The past week/months/years

14 Mar

I said in my previous post that I’d try and write about my experiences with depression. I also said I was contemplating finally telling my friends about my depression – well that decision is yet to be made.

Anyway, anyone familiar with things like facebook knows that there always seems to be some sort of questionnaire doing the rounds about mundane things, such as ‘What character are you from the Big Bang Theory’ etc.

Well there are also questionnaires about depression at sites such as this

I haven’t taken one of these things in years and even then it was just out of curiosity, I didn’t really understand what was going on in my head at that point and just thought whatever was going on was just a phase. Yesterday though I took it seriously, answered honestly and guess what, I’m really depressed. Like really, properly depressed. Quelle surprise right?

Here, here and here are the results for the ones I took if you would like a look and I’ll copy in some of the questions below and say how they relate not just to yesterday but also for the past week roughly as at the moment I’m in the middle of what I guess you could call an ‘episode’? Hmm, not sure if that’s the term I’m looking for and in any case it’s a stupid term really, it just makes me think I’m the main character in the worst soap opera of all time.

Questions

16. I feel trapped or caught.

This is a very weird and horrible sensation. I feel this A LOT, like 90% of the time.

14. I’m getting too much, too little or not enough restful sleep.

This one is a bitch to deal with. The last time I had a run of good sleep was January time. Incidentally January was amazing, like I had maybe two/three weeks of absolute bliss where life felt good and natural again.

6. I have lost interest in aspects of my life that used to be important to me.

This particular question actually pissed me off because a) it is true and b) it is an ongoing thing. This one will definitely be a blog in itself soon.

17. I had crying spells.

I can remember four times very clearly where I have cried due to depression. They have been years apart and it has been uncontrollable, as in it didn’t where I was or what I was doing. Twice it happened in public and I had to rush to find somewhere quiet/private. One was last week but it was at night and it prompted me to start to re-evaluating things.

These have been exacerbated in the last week.

3. I have been enjoying activities that I know carry a significant risk of causing me problems later (e.g., buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or unusual business investments).

The destructive side that leaves evidence. Not good. In recent years I have made positive progress to keep myself in check when I go through the phases that lead me to do silly things. I haven’t had one of these incidents in a while.

I’ll leave it at that for now.Image

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