Haven’t done this in a while….

9 May

I finished my degree last week – well I handed everything in anyway. So that’s that, three years done and dusted.

 

Feel pretty spent after the last few weeks of making sure everything was ready. The main thought on my mind since is how much I would love to just get away and relax. Get away and forget everything. That would be cool.

Of course when I say everything I really mean depression. It really wasn’t that very long ago that I started this blog and all because certain things were coming into sharp focus, like being 27 and having unsuccessfully coped with depression for nigh on ten years and not wanting to be 37 and still be in the same boat.

I still haven’t made any proper steps to remedy the situation which of course is nobodies fault but my own and that plus finishing uni has mixed together and it’s feeling rather claustrophobic in my head at the moment.

I guess it just annoyed me that I felt no accomplishment at all from finishing uni, I thought I’d feel something but instead it was just a feeling of ‘I don’t deserve to feel happy’ type feeling.

I think the weirdest thing is that I don’t feel unduly depressed – I’m certainly not in the black hole I was when I started this blog. It’s just a rather surreal feeling of ‘well, what did I expect, this is your life now’ which I know is depressing enough.

Well, to end on a positive – yes I know finishing uni is definitely a positive, but to add another one I’ve given myself till Monday to completely switch off from writing (professional writing I mean) at which point it will be back to the screenplays and working on my novel. That would have made it a complete week off, something I can’t remember doing since I decided I wanted to be a writer.

I’ve actually gone out a couple of times as well since I handed in my work. I’veblog tried to be more sociable and see my friends again and it was pretty cool to see they genuinely seemed pleased to see me out.

And it’s my best mates birthday night out tomorrow so something good to look forward to there as well.

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